Home

Advertisement

Customize
About this Journal
Current Month
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930
Nov. 20th, 2005 @ 09:34 pm For A Long Time
For a long time I have been preparing to go to law school. I am waiting now to see whether I willl go right after graduation or wait a year. It all depends on the circumstances. I am looking at what I will do with my future and how I will live. I am excited to be here and to be alive. I am looking forward to learning law and to everything else I will learn.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 17th, 2005 @ 01:25 pm Hi
I am at cupcake, working on a paper I should have had done long ago last week. I have a lot left to work on, but I like cupcake- it is a good place to be. If you haven't been here yet you should go. If you are on 94 and take the 280 exit and then head west towards minneapolis on University Avenue you will see it, it is in the Art and Architecture building across the street from Super American right after the interesection of Bedford St. and University. It is really good and they have excellent coffee and hot chocolate.

On the walls here there is art displayed, currently the walls are filled with peices made out of seeds and rice that are supposed to resemble famous historical figures of the world, or small animals. It is kinda cool, I dig it.

The vanilla cupcakes here are amazing.

I am looking for a lamp post because I have a lamp shade and nothing to put it on. I looked next door at the antique store, but all the lamps were really expensive, the really cool ones were 95 dollars. I think I might need to look at thrift stores not antique shops.

Wish me luck on my papers,

Peace.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 15th, 2005 @ 06:00 pm What I want
Current Mood: agitated
I want a life that spins me both in and out of control. I want a vision that will pierce the air around me everytime I flow with it. I want peace of mind. I want peace. I do not want to be strung along, and I don't know what to do about it if I am right now, so I would like to figure that out. I thought I wanted the life I am in, but some vital parts of my life look like they are not going to be there anymore, so now I am not sure that I do. I want to keep on my mind, what belongs there. I want to know myself as myself and I am losing grasp with that because I feel like I need to change my life all around and I don't know how to deal with that. Some times I want simple days, other times I want complicated days. I want to know myself better than other people do, and I want to know myself the way other people do. I want to be strong but fragile in some ways too. I want to love fragility. I want to know that things change but life goes on, and it all doesn't matter anyway.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Mar. 22nd, 2005 @ 07:19 pm my interst tonight in the world as a 21 year old student
Current Mood: there
Current Music: urban bean stereo
I don't really know how I feel today. It is as though chapters in my life are ending. I have tried for a long time to write a live journal entry, I have so much to say, but I can never get it out.

I miss my friends, I miss my life, but it is not that simple. I miss lots of things, not because I want them back but because they are a part of me that I cannot always see because I cloud myself with attempting to find things that I need to survive in this world. I love my life, I truly love, love is not about a happy feeling-it is about commitment to know what you are doing and who you are, it is about pushing forward and knowing that it is you who is doing that, and your life belongs nowhere else.

I love that. I love the feeling of loving my life, because it is so much deeper than just having appreciation for the good things. I do not know what has pushed me so far over the edge; I am getting past things I have held onto for a long time because I thought I needed them to do my work. My work has changed as I have let them go, I am now clearer and can understand myself, as opposed to understanding everything around me to a degree. And having no time to understand myself with as much clarity as I have regarding the application of everything around me to me.

I am so far past needing to prove to people who I am, my problem the last couple of months in school, (even though there hasn't been much of a problem) is that I have not known who it was that was moving my decisions, I knew it was me but I thought it was some persona that I had created to be a student causing action.

I have this foundation now that I have ceased to have because I know who you all are that are out there waiting to know who I am. I know who people are. I know who I have been hiding from people because I don't like to deal with people when I am having more fun dealing with ideas. I love people though (see definition above) and I want to be a part of their world without hating them. I am.

I have had to work through some major problems one of them was trusting myself, because much of my trust in my ability to speak was undermined when my best friend left me three + years ago and said I was crazy. I had to spend a lot of time proving I was not crazy; I had to spend a lot of time gathering a plethora of evidence to back up what I had known for years so that people could not discredit who I was.

I succeeded but he is left living his life and he will never know the damage he did to me by not trusting me-he will never know what the succession of his trust from my life did to me. I don't care anymore, but it took a lot of withdrawal from the world for me to realize that I know who I am and I love myself. It is not enough that I make other people believe that I can do great things, no it is important that I am doing great things only because I live them, or if I don't do them then I live that, but I trust my words and my thoughts and my application of knowledge. Others have trusted it for a long time but I have not------

I have come to a place where words are tools not just symbols. I understand that we no longer live in a world 15,000 years ago where words as symbols might have been enough. I need to understand more than what comes to me through thought and education; I need to understand where I live today.

This is a world that has changed and I do not know how to address it. I need to move myself, I am a mover. I am acting. I am sitting. I am sitting not running away from writing, and I can never write. I am acting without needing to prove that I am moving- my movement is not just physical- it is now with words. This is the first time. Words are the movement I want and need.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Feb. 20th, 2005 @ 03:21 pm there it is
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: most recently Yo La Tengo, but that was yesterday
I have had the most amazing weekend. First I went to my friend Heather's house on friday night with Marly. We talked about metaphysics, postmodernism, gardens, traveling and other aspects of our lives over wine, bread, cheese, strawberries and chocolate. Eventually Val and her sister who is visiting came over and joined the postmodernism peice of the discussion.
Heather lives close to school, in a beautiful house that she has spent a long time painting and finding decor for. It was so nice to hang out there.

On saturday I got up and went to school for the Black History bus tour of St. Paul that was narrated by a Macalester professor who has lived in the areas we covered for his entire life. Because I decided not to graduate this year I am taking advantage of less of the oppurtunities because I can do them next year, but this one was special, so I dragged myself out of bed.
I learned alot about the history of St. Paul on this tour because it covered the same geographical area as the Irish history bus tour of St. Paul I wnt on last St. Patrick's day. I compared the things I learned from both the tours and realized that St. Paul has a deep history that I think accounts for some of my dislike for the static energy that hangs over most of St. Paul proper and surrounding area. I trace it directly back to the old money that controls everything around there.

Last night was great I downtown to the Patages to see a dance preformance put on by Walker without walls. I took the bus down but forgot my gloves so I spent alot of time with my hands in my pockets as I walked around with snow falling lightly on the side walk. The dance preformance was called David Gordon's Dancing Henry Five.
I got the comp ticket from one of the Dance Teachers at Zenon. I was there working on Friday and helped her find the numbers of some of her students who were attending the preformance with her, so she gave me a comp ticket.

After the show, which was ok but not great, I strolled down first avenue to Brenda's Cafe. This was the restraunt I always used to go with my family, they have organic food so my mom was able to eat there. I haven't been there in years, but I love there food, and it is vegetarian so I can order almost anything off the menu (they do have a couple of fish things every once and a while).
I have an assortment of vegetable with two croquettes- is was awesome, it tasted just like it has when I was 8. Anyway I smiled at Brenda, the owner when I got back from the bathroom, she didn't recoginze me (its been a long time since I have been there). However after a while she came over and said "Your not..." and I replied with "Mary Ann's daugher-yup" (Mary Ann is my mom). She was really happy to see me and to know I was doing well- she has known me for since I was like 5 or 6. She gave told the waiter to comp me a one of the ngihtly desserts-which was really really good. She is so sweet- I need to go back there more often!!!

I took the bus home at 10, there was a really drunk woman on the bus trying to figure out how to get home, we all tried to help her, I hope she got home ok it was really cold out. It took her a long time to remember where she lived so I was worried about her.

Marly had gone out with my boyfriend's friend last night and they were back when I got home. She was showing him her writing project from Creative Non-Fiction last year so I sat in the living room and listened while looking through the 6000 people that Skywynd, the really bad band I saw a few years ago, has as friends on their myspace account. I have just started exploring myspace now that I have an account, it is relaxing. The showing of the writing project went on until 11:30 and my boyfriend got home right after his friend had left. I spent the rest of the night having quality boyfriend time and talking about our week. Basically an excellent night.

By this morning it had snowed at least a few inches and I went to find a book for Marly in my car--my backseat is such a mess that I actually ended up finding a bunch of books I had lost. It was awesome. I made some killer eggs this morning for breakfast at 1:00pm, and now I have been working on my computer. My life is so great when it snows. Tonight I might drop by the Jazz Series at the Rouge Buddha gallery called IQUIT MUSIC. Someone call me if they are going to go and that might persuade me even more to leave my warm apartment and venture over there.

Peace.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Feb. 10th, 2005 @ 11:42 am well here I am
Man I have had an interesting morning. Marsha is sick =( so I didn't have to go into Zenon today to work and therefore slept late. I kept dreaming weird weird dreams. In the last one I was dreaming that my apartment building had a pool and big living room on the basement floor for people to hang out. I was thrown into the pool, which was behind my apartment building, and I could not get out of the pool it was sucking me down and pulling me underwater-it was kinda creepy. I dreamt some other weird stuff about airplanes and stuff-- but I can't really remember those...

Peace
E.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Feb. 8th, 2005 @ 10:19 pm the last great dance
I think one of the reasons I can't write is because I do not read. I spend all of my time thinking, or doing. I don't spend my time putting words out of my head into structure or form. I find that I don't take notes I just listen. I draw the parallels in my head-literally draw.

I have so much to say, and so thus it comes out like this, in a rant, where it sounds as though I am speaking, not writing. Plus there is certainly no explanation. I start somewhere with my thoughts and end somewhere else because whenever I sit down to write I just go, aiming endlessly for somewhere to put everything. Often it makes sense only to me in the end.

I need to start qualifying the things I say because they do not have agency on their own right now when I write them. I need to stop seeing the world through the empirical lens; I need to experience it through the empirical lens, if I am going to go anywhere.

My words lack depth when I write them-that is what I have noticed. I can attribute part of this to my lack of abstract education as a woman, but that is not the source nor is it the problem. The problem is that I don't ever know what I want to say, or to whom I want to say it. I never know the formal way to address something.

I only see my own world, my own life, and my own perceptions. I need to read more so I understand how to write. I need to understand how to write. I love to read. I love to write. I need to learn.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jan. 27th, 2005 @ 02:44 pm ggggggggg
Current Mood: pleasant
Current Music: most recently listened to 89.3
It is a thursday afternoon. I am feeling good about the world- mostly because it is really complicated. Of course really fucked up, but hey I am happy to be learning about it in both academic and non-academic ways. I feel that while work must be done to change systems to keep up with the change that occurs in the world, I also think that the very change that happens without systems will bring us futher in finding ways to live peacefully with each other and the planet. I know things are beyond bad out there, but when its that bad ou don't have anything left to lose and you can go all the way in loving the many things on the earth that are a part of life in this instant, or have been a part of life at somepoint in the last 4.6 billion years. Maybe humans will die and the earth will heal itself eventually, but I can't wait to see what happens on Dec 23, 2012 at 8:00pm when the Mayan Calendar predicts the end of this life cycle. I guess we will see- that and really that alone has given me reverance for life. No matter if the sun just rises and falls that day like every other day I will still know that an ancient civilization with the most advanced calendar to date predicted that the life cycle would end that day. I have reverance for everything we do today, and in the constant movement of one today to another. That is why we need to move-the movement of knowledge, love, eqaulity. passion, respect, balance (and not the definitions either but the concepts that are often forgotten because we believe that we will ever know what is going on). We will see what happens in the world but I am happy simply because I can be while moving---.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jan. 24th, 2005 @ 07:52 pm Hey Everyone
Current Mood: I have a cold
Current Music: printer in the school computer lab
It has been along time since I have written anything. I am just chillin here at my school thinking about philosophical things. I am in the midst of a cold with a runny nose, and I left my algebra brush up workshop so I could blow my nose more often.

I am thinking about the world right now, more specifically about the rise and fall of civilizations throughout the last 5000 years. I wonder sometimes what the world was like before civilization, before agriculture, before language. Of course not all of those things happened at the same time, but they are linked to different degrees.

I picked up a book at the bookstore tonight called The Working Poor: Invisible in America. It is so true, many poor people are invisible, and that breaks me to think about. Our world has a few serious issues when it comes to destroying people that do not deserve to be broken. I do not know how to feel about the whole debate about how we should run economic systems.

I am not informed enough to make a decision, I am not ready however to accept that whatever systems we have are working, yet I don't know of a system out there in creation yet that would work for more people. It is difficult for me to talk about.

I wonder what will happen as time passes and technology changes, will people suffer at the hands of fellow humans more or less, I suppose it will be both, I suppose it fluxuates.

Anyhow I wish there was a resolution to the way that we treat things/people when we think they do not deserve respect, especially our precious self-centered respect. The world, its politicians, and its businessmen are those I question as I wonder where the undercurrents of our problems may accumulate steam under the line of vision.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 30th, 2004 @ 09:11 pm hey there world
Current Music: most recently listened to Dido
I am sitting here in my apartment, and what am I doing(?)......I am enjoying my fall break! I did a bit of cleaning, I did a bit of laundry, I am watching a bit of an old murder mystery, I am doing a bit of work online, I took a lovely shower, and I ate a carmel apple. It has been a nice relaxing fall break.
This morning was fun- I had some kick ass french toast at Sunny Side Up this morning. I really wanted to talk to Marly this afternoon, but I was upable to get ahold of her.
(I had to interupt this entry to answer a phone survey about yellow pages)
I had a great day today driving around listening to Dido. Highway 100 to 494, to 35W, to 94 to Lyndale- it twas a good day.
Peace all
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 28th, 2004 @ 01:19 pm hey oct 28 1:20
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Was most recently listening to Niko
I just ran through a rainstorm- I am drenched.
I like the cloudcover it gives the atmosphere a nice color.
Today was a good day, I liked it---I saw a bit of a preformance at Zenon coreographed by Keely Garfield.
School is upon me now---Foundations of Women's studies is next. We are currently dicussing both Latin American women. We are also spending a little time at the beginning of each class discussing the history of voting and right for women in america.
I look forward to this weekend I have a short break from school, 1 day, the 29th.
I am dripping from the downpour outside...
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 16th, 2004 @ 01:09 pm So heres where I am at
Current Mood: right over there
Current Music: computer fan buzzing
I live in a feminist world- where I know who I am and I love myself, thereby I love the world, and my life. I also live in a much larger world that makes a ven diagram with my feminist world. The whole thing is rather complex, and it makes me unhappy sometimes. Other times I am very pleased, even extatic.

Today I am just angry. I have been angry all week, probably all month at various times here and there. I am not angry at people or animals or plants, I am just angry. I don't like that everything that I do has to have so many damn consequences. Nothing can ever just be, it all has to anaylzed and thought over just so I can anticipate the future moves of the peopl I talk to more than once a year.

I love all my friends, I love all my acqountices. I love all those in my family. And right now my family reigns supreme in the loved because I don't have allow them to judge me all the fucking time. They just live in their house and talk to me about what makes me happy when I visit them.

I am doing something rash today. Rash and unadvised. This sounds dramatic, its not. I am just doing something I have wanted to do for a long time. I was at the coming out week open mic night on thursday, watching the band the purple house project, and I got really inspired to do said action- which I may reveal later. Now I am out to do it soon. This is why I love my life, because I can be free for a few split seconds of peace every once in a while. I don't have to think about the consequences of my life on everyone elses. I don't have to play oppurtunity cost. I don't have to understand the reprocuations of the decisions I make, but only for a few seconds a day.

I like my life right now don't get me wrong, I am doing alot of great stuff, I just don't like that every fucking thing I do has to have consequences on other peoples lives. I loved being alone last year cause I did not have that responsibility to anyone. I don't want to be alone again, disconnected from everyone and everythin around me, because it wasn't "fun" and I have already done it. I just want to go out and live my life without having to think of fucking tommorrow and the consequences.

I want to live- L I V E- not just do homework and talk to the same people and pretend that I am not confused by people who I know on a few shallow levels and maybe a bit beyond, but do not really know. I hide alot from everyone because it just isn't relevant for them to judge me on- but that is a balancing act because everytime something comes out its weird and notworth it.
I wish that I could play in some sand boxes right now- to clear my head. We live in a very restrictive society- full of bullshit and lies. I don't like it- but i have to be apart of it, go figure. I try to rationalize liking it- but I don't. I just wanna play inn a god damn sandbox. I just want to love lots of people without needing to be careful that I not disrupt their lives. I just want to dance, and move and not be forced to sit down and shut up by the powers that be because your not allowed to be a woman, be successful in society and your own creative life at the same time, be allowed to think outside the box and not be called crazy, be allowed to learn by making your own life not just pretending to learn from rules that don't make any sense if you are not some guy named Robert Smith.

I just don't understand why people put me in boxes all the god damn time but then ask me not to put them in boxes. I don't understand why I let myself be boxed by school, by friends, by parents, by passersby. The only thing I have really enjoyed was the vibes I was getting last night from Arson the cat at Brians house. That cat didn't want to put me in a box, it didn't care, it just fell asleep next to me at 12:35 at pawed at my face to see if I would rub its head. That cat knows way more about the universe than me, god dammit. If this confuses people, fine, I wrote it for myself.

Monday was the birthday of my ex-love-of my life from high school. He is in Iraq right now fighting battles. He turned 22. He didn't talk to me for 3 years. We made up this summer and rebuilt our friendship. He probably won't be my friend when he gets back from fighting. Regaurdless of the break through that made it ok for us to regain a friendship after so long, I will never regain an appriciation for the bullshit I believed before I fell in love with him. I will never believe what the world tells a relationship is supposed to be, or isn't. I will never believe that I will not be happier alone. I will never believe that love is supposed to be known to oneself or another all the time. I will never believe that love doesn't change fluently as time passes, second to second. And I will never believe that I should be who anyone else wants me to be, or anyone else should be who I want them to be. I love my friends, I love my family, I loev my life, but I learned lessons that make me understand that for me- I need to love who I am, not who I want to be, or who I was. That is the game today- to love who I am- because this is just about mid-term, and I have alot of turning points to go through. I have alot of people around me who are bored with me, I can't give them what they want to hear in class, I can't give them what they want in converstaion, I don't want to be who they want or used to know. This week I am exploring things that I have delved into, wish me luck. I need to have some fun, life is not meant to be boring.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 3rd, 2004 @ 12:21 pm I was supposed to run a marathon today
Current Mood: recently awake
Current Music: upstairs saxophonist
Well I was supposed to runa marathon today- I didn't...I can't run marathon's- who am I kidding. I really like the following things though: organic food, music, yoga, art galleries, my extended family, the new york times, teachers who expect the devil out of you, espn college sports coverage, chapstick made with goatsmilk, books by bell hooks, the sax player upstairs who plays as I write this, cheap wine, walking while it's raining, sitting while it's windy, red shoes, old friends, sprinting short distances, the local hip-hop scene, jazz anywhere, chairs that spin around, and the way fall breathes into you.......
I love it all.
Peace
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 2nd, 2004 @ 04:39 pm This is an angry rant about the state of the world
Current Music: classical
Politics =P- I play the game but i hate it

Around 2 am I freaked out about the state of politics in the world. It was good that Kerry did so well in the debate. I realize that people have different feelings about people leading this country, but overall there was a majority in the "polls" who thought Kerry did better then Bush. I know that 3percent of the polls thought that Bush did better, and 17 thought they tied, but oh well. Anyways back to my realization- I was freaking out because after working for US Congresswoman Betty McCollum for 4 months I am hardly able to look at Bush without seeing every fucking legistlation that Bush signed and the republicans in Congress passed. here are so many laws that are extremely horrid, and they all scroll through my head in list fashion everytime I see his face, hear his voice, hear his name, see one of those damn yard signs- all the people right now who are voiceless and cannot make heard how Bushes policies have entirely effected their lives and/or ability to survive are not heard. I cry at night sometimes because I don't know what to do about the people in the united states, or around the world who bush affects everyday through the "New American Century Project" and all his other horrid policies. Some people sit around and think it is their right to chose who they vote for, and it is their responsiblity to vote, but their choice is not in who to vote for it is in whether to vote because of oneself or to vote in the interest of others. I cannot sleep at night not because anything is gona happen to me. I can't sleep at night because of the trade policies bush totes that cause thousands of 15 year old girls to work 12-23 hours in latin american sweatshops (built with us tax payers money) everyday for only a few pennies an hour just so they can eat a nonnutricious meal. It wasn't always like this. This poverty of the whole world is not that old, and it is getting worse. At least the fucking democrats despite all their fucking faults try to not exploit the fuck out of people- yes they stil expolit, but they don't use them until there is nothing left but a machine like body. I am sick of fucking machines. I can't watch those girls anymore it doesn't break my heart it turns my stomach inside out- that is what every bush cheney sign stands for, Coporate America! (and capitalism + other shit) I hate this world. I am an eco-feminist, you don't know what that is google it. It is hard for me to sit around and think that valuing the people in my life, or valuing myself more than I value the 15 year old girls in latin american working the ability to breathe out of their bodies until they are thrown away a few years later. I value those gooddamn girls more than I value myself, they are the real reason to stay alive. Not my fucking aspirations, not my fucking things I do for fun, knowing those girls exist, knowing that is what fills a mall with shit for 'wanna be''conformist''subordinate''women' - that is my reason to exist- and in that my reason to exist makes me know I have to do something about it like be aware and not forget it in a jadded way. fuck that-
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 2nd, 2004 @ 04:12 pm well I was there
Its 4oclock on Saturday October 2. I am in the Couer De Catherine Student Center at my college, downstairs in the library computer lab. It has been a good day. I have spent it reading feminist literature for my foundations of women's studies class, and my biography of marily monroe class. I ate eggs for breakfast, with coffee- lots of coffee.
At 2:30 my parents came with my grandmother over to my campus. They visited me here once at the begining of my freshman year two years ago, but none of them have been over since. I gave them a tour of the Campus and the new Student Center, and told them about everything I do on campus. We talked about my life and my sudies-it was fun. My grandma is soooo incredably cute- I love her! She really liked the campus, and was really proud of me. My mom and dad were to, and talked amungst themselves about the the building, the classes I was taking, and what on earth they were going to do with my brother in terms of looking for a college for him to go to.
I love my family they are really fun to hang out with. Last night I got to hang out with them. We went to Lucias accross the street from my apartment and had dessert and wine, only I am not old enough for wine so I had coffee. Then we went over to my apartment so I could show it to them- that was cool- so much of the progression of my life is easily told in reference to that apartment, all you have to do is look in my room, my whole life is all over the floor.
After that I went to uncommon grounds and hung out with the mix and his friend dom, that was fun. I had more coffee, so I was buzzed caz I don't drink coffee very often. It was a great day. Today has been a great day too.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 24th, 2004 @ 04:29 pm hi
Current Mood: whatever
Current Music: I (like hooby) was recently listening to Broken Social Scene
The reasons for life are complicated and often depressing.
There are the good times and the bad times but it all comes down to the line where nothing will ever be acceptable
I live much of my life skating above that line trying to pretend my world is ok because of this or that
But its not
My world is everyone elses world and its fucked up
So fine I am gona get back to just letting it be that way
But that depresses me to an extent, so fuck
I love so many things, if love is even a word I can use
I don't know where love came from but it does not accurately reprsent my feelings, it just implys that i have an emotional stimulous or response to that which I do
I love my school
I love my senior honors project
I love my best teachers
I love books by bell hooks
But really love is not an encompassing word-fuck it
I don't want to do alot of things in life, but I will do them, because my life is bound to resemble law and order(a prime time television show)
I am ok with most of what happens, but what sort of state is ok
I have to reclaim some retoric, I have to keep pushing, because I am not satisfied with just being, I want to be in a state of being that I can dance in, that is motionless and full of motion at the same time, I want movement, I want to go past the boundries, some I cant even see anymore either
I want to learn how to revise my work so i can write goddammit
I want to be able to do these things and not follow myself around
I like storms
I think storms are going to be todays focus
Well see where that goes in a nonmetheaphorical way
I want shifting weather and clouds composed of h20 atoms that are waiting to fall, but I want the energy that precedes a storm and is in the atmos during a storm, i want it like art, to fill my body
But I do love my life in its own way outside my assperations...
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 10th, 2004 @ 09:55 pm well there I was
So today I have had a good day. It started out an ok day when I awoke from a dream in whcih i had crashed sonyas car into a tree and spent hours apologizing to her about it. I was about 6:50 when i got up-I couldn't find any clothes to wear-they were in a big pile in my room- and i could really get to what was on top. I ended up with jeans and a t-shirt, items I usually never wear together. I tried then for more than a half an hour to find the key documents for "Leaning to the Left; Democrats, Greens and other Progresives that I am rechartering this year with Shawn, we wil be co-presidents. I really wish I would have been awake enough to remember where I had put it at the begining of the hald hour, by the end when I found the papers, I had faile dto get anything else done including waking up that I had planned to do before my morning class. I had an ok day in school- there was alot of writing in my planner during class so I could figure out what I was doing. I screwed around for a while around campus and fianlly left at about 2:30 after Julie was done wiht Art History...I dropped her at Tony's and went downtown MPLS to get some coffee- it was good- I enjoyed the break. I went across the street to buy cigarettes after my coffee and the cashier talked with me for a few minutes then came outside when I had just left and tried to get my number- it was funny.
I went home dreading hours of Mundane Labor.
But my dad is really nice so he is on;y making me do his bills, I am almost done with them, and clean the showers. He talked to me for about an hour about all the stuff I had to do and how I was gona get it done. He took me out tonight instead of making me work. He brought me to a gallery opening at his Favorite gallery, the Raymond Gallery, in St. Paul at Universtiy and Raymond. It was fun.
Although the opening was for a photographer, who had photographed Minneapolis in the mid-90's, there was also pottery there for some reason. The last time we had been to an opening there (the only time) I was a freshman ans my dad was showing me the city. It was a Warren Mackenzie opening and everyone was very excited. He is around 70 now, and his pots are very expensive. I have a connection to Warren Mackenzie becuase before my mother taught pottery she studied pottery with him, and then worked with him. She has alot of his pots, they are all around our hosue. We used to go to his house when I was little, I still remember what the plants looked like outside and the pathway leading up to his house. My dad is really cute when he looks at Pottery. He knows about pottery because my mom has told him over the years or else he would have no interest- but he examines each peice-comparing it to my mothers-or ones in her collection. My dad asked if the Gallery had any Warren Mackenzie pots, they said no and that they were always quick selling. She said there were two that were being aucioned off at the Northern Clay center tonight because they were having a pottery show with alot of potters from around the nation. She was right and we went there. There was quite a bit of pottery and we had missed the auctioning off of the two pieces. Each went for almost a thousand dollars. My dad found this amusing because we had pieces Makenzie had made with my mother. It was fun to see all the pottery. It gave me a deeper appriciation for my mother.
The best part of the evening though is that my dad agreed that I could focus on my many studies and pay him back the remaining money I owed him at a later date- he realized I had alot of school to do and that my time would be better spent focused on it.
I really appriciate that my dad did this and have alot of other stuff to do now that I am really ecited about. I like my life. Some parts of it are still weird and strange, but I like it.
I hope tommorrow is a good day.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 8th, 2004 @ 10:29 pm FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!
I had my first day of school today. I was great!!! I even got up at 6:30 in order to start off this sha-bang. I picked up Julie my new anti-bus crew(old inside highschool joke) carpooling buddy at 7:15. We ate bagel sandwhiches at Bruggers for Breakfast. The off to class. Mine was Statistics for Business and Economics, hers was Textiles, both were fun. Then I had Urban Issues a class I am sitting in on, followed by Sociology of Deviance another class I am sitting in on. Both were very fun. I love sitting in on Sociology classes because Sociology is my major and one of my stronger passions in life...therefore I like learning and applying the information without having to do all the homework (papers to prove my analyzing abilties and so forth). I am proving other abilities this year. Last year was the year of Exhasting Sociological Abilities. I then went to Whole Foods for lunch at noon with Julie. I got some potatoes and milk, she got a crossiant and tea.
Julie was SUPER excited because after a great morning of really awesome class her mom had called to tell her that her financial aid had gone through and she would be able to attend St. Kates both semesters this year. Julie was very happy and called everyone to let them know. We dwelled in the happiness of Julie beig schooled at St. Kates while we ate our lunch on the outdoor tabels at Whole Foods.
We returned to the campus around 1 and went to thank Julie's admissions counslor for all her help. (she wasn't there but Julie left a note)
Then it was off to art history class for Julie-I went to the library and worked on my honors project.
We meet after that work period for a few minutes before the class we both had at 2:55, hers was Sociocultural Aspects of Fashion, mine was the Foundations of the Critical Studies of Race and Ethnicity. I loved my class. Well today I loved all my classes. I drove Julie to Tony's after that and at 5:30 went to my St. Kates Votes Task Force Meeting. They has Divannis Pizza-it was REALLY GOOD. At six I went to the Sociolgy of Health and Medicine-which I am sitting in on. It ended at 9:15 and I came to the 3rd floor of the Couer De Catherine Student Center which is where I am now. I have written all my emails. I have checked all my email accounts. I have had a fabulous day. I felt like Harry Potter on his first day of school. I am going to be getting up at 6 or 7 every mon/wed/fri for the rest of the semester and 8ish tues/thrus. I am loving the morning. I really love music in the morning. I love the light outside in thr morning,a nd soon as time progresses I will love the dark. Tommorrow is another day at Zenon-my internship-which I love. I look forward to it. Well I am finally going to leave my school now and return to uptown after being here for almost 15 hours. Peace out- I hope school and/or life is going well for all.
Elise
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 5th, 2004 @ 04:34 pm (no subject)

Event One: I woke up this morning in a fabulous mood. I was very pleased with life, and felt good. I was refreshed although still tired. I arrived at Byerly's Chanhassen location at 8:02. I purchased donuts and brought them over to Marly's house. I got there 20 minutes early because of my fast driving-Marly's dad was th only one up. Everyone was ready to send Marly off to spain. We ate donuts, fiddled around and finally an hour later the cars departed for the airport. Mine contained J.J. (Marly's 15 year old brother) and a burn of Broken Social Scene given to me by Brian on Friday playing as we cruised 494. I was glad to see Marly depart on this Journey. I am glad to start new adventures. Sonya and Ben showed up to the airport and we waved a lot as she walked through security out of sight.

Event Two: I went to Whole Foods to buy some laundry detergent and cleaning spray. I wondered around the store. I was gone from my car for 1 hour. I emerged from whole foods to find that the headlights I had turned on in the Airport Parking ramp were still on. I was further surprised that my car would not start. Ben came to help me jump it-but we failed. He drove me home. My father has a service where they will help out with up to three car emergencies a year. He arranged for a tow truck with a high power jumper to come. I was taking a bath at the time- I jumped out of the bath and biked over to whole foods quickly. They jumped my car and told me that I needed a new battery. I told them this one was only 10 months old-they were shocked that it could be that corroded after only 10 months.  I drove the jumped car to sears- it is sitting there right now. I am stuck at my parents house.

I really wish I could go use my cleaning spray- my apartment has been waiting to be cleaned!!!! GRRRR!

At least my car did not die at the airport.

About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 5th, 2004 @ 12:19 am it's 12:19 and I'm wasted
Hey there all. I am having a good night. I am here in my apt by myself awaiting sleep. Tommorrow I send Marly off to Spain and start my life of school goodness. Starting with editing a bunch of stuff I have to have ready before school is in session. Yay for editing, oh wait no. It is weird livign alone again. I don't think I like it. I do not know what i am gona do for the next 3 to 4 months. =(. I am excited for school though =). Wednesday is the start day. Yay. I have the attention span of a fruit fly right now so I am gona go. mOre later.
Love and Peace
E.
About this Entry
Elise 2003 Color
Leave a comment
Permanent Link